did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
