Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
