a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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