No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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