good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
