Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
