if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
