how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
