I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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