yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
