Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
