thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
