he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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