Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
