how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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