I like my sex mixed with concussions.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
