just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
