You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
