Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
