when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
