In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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