Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
