Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
