her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
