Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
