So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
