May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
