Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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