My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
