Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
