as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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