somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
