My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
