She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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