Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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