So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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