I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
