Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
