I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
