Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Houston, we have a squirter
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
