you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
