Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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