Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
