Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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