Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
