You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
