Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
