last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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