Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He passed out mid-signature
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
