You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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