Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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