...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
