why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
